A few days before the general public became aware of the great Gatorade Terrorist Plot of August 2006, British authorities quietly informed the White House that arrests were imminent. True to form, the Bush/Cheney White House swung into action and prepared to exploit the as-yet-unpublicized news for as much political mileage as they could. From behind the portable missile battery that guards his ranch in Wyoming, Vice President Dick Cheney uncharacteristically took time out from his holiday to conduct a conference call with the press, during which he blasted the Democrats for being "weak on terror" and giving comfort to "al Qaeda types" - laying the psychological groundwork for the news he was planning to break in the coming days.
By the time the arrests in London, the White House had set in motion the Republican propaganda machine, so that Fox News and other complicit mouthpieces could hit the ground running with loaded talking points and "TERROR IN THE SKIES" slug lines the moment the arrests became public. These "useful idiots" in the media pontificate about their journalistic ethics, but the fact remains that they all spout the same Republican talking points on the same day.
In their zeal to outdo each other in criticizing the Democrats' supposed "softness" on terror, it's perhaps inevitable that a few of them would make a meal of it. None, however, can hold a candle to The Weekly Standard's William Kristol, who released this beauty:
The Bugs Bunny Democrats
They're all carrot and no stick.
by William Kristol
08/21/2006, Volume 011, Issue 46
The content of the article doesn't really matter; the important thing is that the title is a snappy sound-bite/slogan that can be repeated during the sixty seconds that network news devotes to politics, or that can be plastered on the bottom third of the screen when you appear on Fox News (Kristol is a regular).
But think about this for a minute: if you look beyond the fact that Bugs Bunny is, yes indeed, a bunny rabbit - and as such can be occasionally seen eating the odd carrot - is calling someone Bugs Bunny really what you want to do?
In nearly every single Bugs Bunny cartoon, Bugs ends up defeating his opponent- through a combination of wit, humor, good planning, skill, and mental agility.
Kristol's criticism of Democrats as being like Bugs Bunny implies that he thinks Republicans are just the opposite: the "anti-Bugs", if you like. And Warner Bros has kindly provided for us a character who fits this description: Elmer J. Fudd.
George W. Bush, hot on the trail of those wascally terrorists.
I have to agree with Kristol: Elmer Fudd is a brilliant metaphor for Bush and the Republicans on a number of levels:
- Bush and Fudd are both simplistic morons with a single-minded obsession on pursuing a foe whose importance they have inflated as a means of justifying their ridiculous (and often hilarious) actions
- Fudd and Bush both have speech impediments and frequently commit dreadful social blunders
- Fudd is obsessed with guns yet an inept hunter; he frequently shoots himself or innocent bystanders in his fanatical rapture. While hunting cage-bred birds from the safety of his car, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78-year-old man in the face.
- While everyone else can see the fuse sticking out of the cake, Fudd is staring cross-eyed in the wrong direction, mumbling one of his homilies and plotting how to divide up the prize. Think Iraq.
- When frustrated as his inability to make progress, Fudd blasts away indiscriminately with his shotgun. When Bush's approval ratings fall, we suddenly start getting terror alerts.
And finally:
- Fudd's downfall is usually his own making. Were he only able to keep his mouth shut, his gun holstered, and think before taking action, Fudd might stand a chance of actually capturing his prize.
And Bill Kristol might have a chance of coming up with a decent metaphor.
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