Real Madrid vs. DC United

Ronaldo, Beckham, Zidane, Roberto Carlos, Emerson, Cannavaro, Baptista, Robinho.... you'll remember these as the stars from their respective countries at the World Cup in Germany. What you may not know is that these players all play for the same club when not representing their country... and that club is the legendary Real Madrid, who visited Seattle last night to play a friendly against Major League Soccer's best team DC United. We were fortunate enough to be able to attend the match which was held at Qwest Field, home of the Seattle Seahawks.

Truth be told, not all of the above stars made an appearance. Zidane has retired, and Ronaldo remained in Europe due to injury and general match fitness. Still, there was some awesome talent on display, and not all of it was from Real Madrid. DC United is a credible side, as demonstrated by the match's 1-1 result. Real had the edge (particularly in the second half), but United's 17-year-old phenom Freddy Adu showed why he's compared to a young Pelé or Ronaldinho.

I was a bit disappointed with the venue; Qwest Field is a new stadium, right next door to Safeco Field where the Mariners play, and to be honest it's nowhere near as good as its neighbor. For a start, we were frisked going in, and secondly the pitch was in terrible condition: most of the grass was brown, and there were visible lumps and debris. Although we had good seats quite close to the action, it was frustrating when the inevitable drunken idiots a few rows in front of us stood up and waved their beers around while making cellphone calls, oblivious to the calls of "down in front!" and the shower of peanuts and garbage being thrown at them. All it takes is one person to stand up, and this causes a ripple effect behind them. Essentially, we spent the last two minutes of the match standing up just so we could see the field at all. It also took a ridiculously long time to exit the stadium, a far cry from the five minutes it takes to get to the street after the last pitch at a Mariners game.

Sign of the times, perhaps: even with only three weeks notice, the entire stadium of 66,000 sold out. That beat the Mariners game that was played earlier in the day, and was in spite of the Tim McGraw and Faith Hill concert that was happening in Seattle at the same time. Needless to say, traffic was horrendous.

Apart from the venue, the match was great. Being a friendly there were an unlimited number of substitutions allowed, so Real played their entire squad during the course of the game. Robinho came on and provided some spark during the second half, and we missed Beckham who was replaced at half time.

Here's some photos from our vantage point:

Adu (center), and Beckham (bottom right; blue shoes)

Roberto Carlos (left; bald), and Adu (right)

The hightlight of the match was probably when Real were awarded a free kick just outside the penalty area, and Roberto Carlo came forward to deliver one of his thunderbolts. He blasted it around the wall, but keeper Troy Perkins made a brilliant diving save. The rebound caused a goal-line scramble, with the ball eventually flying just wide of the net.

All in all, an excellent and memorable event! This is the largest crowd I've ever seen a soccer game with, and it was encouraging to see just how popular the sport has become in the USA.

Law 11

Offside Position

It is not an offence in itself to be in an offside position. A player is in an offside position if:

• he is nearer to his opponents’ goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent.

A player is not in an offside position if

• he is in his own half of the field of play or
  
• he is level with the second last opponent or
  
• he is level with the last two opponents.
  

Offence

A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by:

• interfering with play or
  
• interfering with an opponent or
  
• gaining an advantage by being in that position.
  

Brazil vs. France

France is in the white, attacking the goal to the right. Zidane (top, near the Phillips sign) is just kicking the ball.

So: offside, or not?

Misadventures in Gastronomy

A few weeks ago, the Seattle Seahawks (football/gridiron team!) participated in the Superbowl, the biggest, best, most important, loudest, and most expensive sporting event in the world. Actually, it's all those things only to people living in the USA; the rest of the world really doesn't notice/care.

This was the first time that the Seahawks had made it to the Superbowl in their 30 year history, which of course was the excuse for the inevitable silly behaviour, such as every local newsreader wearing the Seahawks uniform on-air all week, plus every financial institution in Puget Sound announcing a product along the lines of "$100K MORTGAGE $750/MONTH GO HAWKS!".

The game itself was remarkable for the hilariously inept display of refereeing; sports writers had a few things to say, as did a local Seattle DJ:



Like many things in America, however, the ultimate level of silliness is not reached until you include food in some way.

Here's a picture I took down at the supermarket the day before the game:



Question: does it occur to anyone that the best cure for heartburn isn't to devour some industrial-strenth chemicals, but rather to not eat a bunch of deep-fried hog fat in the first place? Most Americans I show this picture to don't notice anything funny; non-Americans tend to dissolve into fits of laughter as soon as they see it.

If that weren't bizarre enough, consider the fact that a hot dog from one of the Seahawks' playoff games was attracting bids of over $10,000 on eBay. Of course, most of these were joke bids placed by people who had no intention of paying, hence the notorious online gambling website GoldenPalace.com was able to acquire this holiest of hot dogs for the "bargain" price of $1,800. They will no doubt preserve this artifact alongside their other priceless treasures such as William Shatner's kidney stone and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich with the picture of the Virgin Mary.

You may remember Golden Palace from the 2004 Athens Summer Olympics, where a man adorned with advertisments for them (not to mention wearing a light blue tutu) became an unofficial participant in the springboard diving competition.

I've talked previously about ways of improving Olympic sports, and I thought I'd finally found the best way of making curling and ice dancing exciting: hold them at the same time and place. I didn't count on Golden Palace however, who we have to thank for the latest instance of audience participation in the Olmypics. It isn't every day that we see a news report that contains all of the following phrases:

1. bronze medal curling match
   
2. streaker
   
3. strategically placed rubber chicken
   

...so make sure you don't miss this one.

Chess Boxing and Other Olympic Sports

The latest sports craze: Chess Boxing. Make a move on the chessboard, then pound on your opponent's head. This is not a joke; it's actually being played. Supposedly it combines the ultimate mental and physical challenges -- as well as being the only time you'll ever hear fans screaming during a chess match (the headphones are to help them concentrate).

It seems to me that in this sport it is more important to be good at boxing than chess: no matter how bad you are at chess, it would take a minimum of three moves to get beaten, giving you ample time to beat Mr. Chess-Club-Nerd to a pulp. I mean, Mike Tyson versus Garry Kasparov? It's a no contest, even if you ban ear-biting.

Golf and chess have been trying to become official Olympic sports, and it would seem that chess now has a fighting (heh) chance.

Related topic: I've always thought that the Olympics would be much more exciting if they combined sports. I have a few ideas:

Synchronized Ice Hockey: freeze over a pool and allow half the team to attack from below. Periods last 2 minutes, or longer if you permit scuba gear

Wrestling Gymnastics: on the balance beam, or one ring each

Cycling Javelin: two main events: the kidney-poke pursuit, and the flat-tire timetrial

Soccer Hurdles: unlike in athletics, these hurdles can't be knocked over. Even better would be if the hurdles were embedded in the ground and could be made to spring up without notice

100m Fencing: the first contestant to get all their body parts past the finish line is the winner

4x100m Archery Relay: your team gets disqualified if the arrow hits the ground

Equestrian Polevault: mandatory galloping aproach; double points if both you and the horse clear the bar. Even better: have contestants compete two at a time from opposite directions

Ski-jump Trapshooting: Swish.... Pull! Blam! 8.5! 8.0!

Weightjumping: mulitply the weight carried by the height cleared

Taekwando Sailing: a nautical race with hostile boarding parties

It could get even better if you combined more than two sports:

Cycling-Javelin-Long Jump-Gymnastics-Equestrian: cyclists race down a runway, where a teammate has to hurl a javelin into the front spokes before they hit the white line. Points are gained for both distance and whatever flips and twists are performed before landing on your horse.