Chess Boxing and Other Olympic Sports

The latest sports craze: Chess Boxing. Make a move on the chessboard, then pound on your opponent's head. This is not a joke; it's actually being played. Supposedly it combines the ultimate mental and physical challenges -- as well as being the only time you'll ever hear fans screaming during a chess match (the headphones are to help them concentrate).

It seems to me that in this sport it is more important to be good at boxing than chess: no matter how bad you are at chess, it would take a minimum of three moves to get beaten, giving you ample time to beat Mr. Chess-Club-Nerd to a pulp. I mean, Mike Tyson versus Garry Kasparov? It's a no contest, even if you ban ear-biting.

Golf and chess have been trying to become official Olympic sports, and it would seem that chess now has a fighting (heh) chance.

Related topic: I've always thought that the Olympics would be much more exciting if they combined sports. I have a few ideas:

Synchronized Ice Hockey: freeze over a pool and allow half the team to attack from below. Periods last 2 minutes, or longer if you permit scuba gear

Wrestling Gymnastics: on the balance beam, or one ring each

Cycling Javelin: two main events: the kidney-poke pursuit, and the flat-tire timetrial

Soccer Hurdles: unlike in athletics, these hurdles can't be knocked over. Even better would be if the hurdles were embedded in the ground and could be made to spring up without notice

100m Fencing: the first contestant to get all their body parts past the finish line is the winner

4x100m Archery Relay: your team gets disqualified if the arrow hits the ground

Equestrian Polevault: mandatory galloping aproach; double points if both you and the horse clear the bar. Even better: have contestants compete two at a time from opposite directions

Ski-jump Trapshooting: Swish.... Pull! Blam! 8.5! 8.0!

Weightjumping: mulitply the weight carried by the height cleared

Taekwando Sailing: a nautical race with hostile boarding parties

It could get even better if you combined more than two sports:

Cycling-Javelin-Long Jump-Gymnastics-Equestrian: cyclists race down a runway, where a teammate has to hurl a javelin into the front spokes before they hit the white line. Points are gained for both distance and whatever flips and twists are performed before landing on your horse.